Women in business
I have been working in the male-dominated world all my career. It was my decision to choose such a path, and I am not complaining. Every woman who ever worked in that environment knows that to achieve any recognition, standing and respect often you need to work twice as hard as our male counterparts. It’s a fact, and I don’t think anyone can argue with this … not even man.
We need to prove that we are worthy of the place at the decision table, that we have an opinion that may be worth listening to and that we can add value to the project or organisation. All that is known and well documented. No point for me to elaborate and it is not what I want to talk about anyway.
What I really want to tackle are the other women in the business environment.
Three varieties
In my career, I came across three types of women in business.
There is the insignificant, lower-ranking, widely liked girl that everyone, man and women, casually ignores. I think we have all came across her, no doubt at some point in our careers we actually been her. She is the one who either is very happy in her comfortable and undemanding existence or fights hard to rise above it. Which brings me to the second type?
The rising star. Usually quite ambitious, but still cautious, not sure of herself in the environment. Depending on the personality and profession here is the one to watch. She will take any opportunity to be visible to show her value and to improve her position within the closest and broader surrounding. She will often volunteer for jobs that others would rather avoid and will always try to make an impact. I have to say I spent a long time in this category. To be honest, I am not sure I have entirely left it as every time I start a new job, it feels as if I am here again.
And then, of course, is the executive, the high riser, the women who thought her “battles” and got to the “top”. The woman who has the respect of her peers, or at least it seems so. The success story, the role model for all other females in the industry and beyond. This position comes either with great tenacity or experience, neither of which can just simply be ignored. Hence the recognition.
All of these women have something to offer. It is either knowledge, intelligence, creativity, cunning or charm. Often, all of the above together. Each of them learned how to use it to her own advantage, learned what works and what doesn’t.
Of course, this is a simplification, and a few ladies that are working hard right now would maybe struggle to categorise themselves within what I described. Or at least would be hesitant to do so. But if we are really honest with ourselves, I think we will manage. In any case and for the sake of this analysis, I will stick with these three.
The category is not a problem.
Now that we have established the parameters of this divagation, I can get to the centre of the topic. The actual and real thing I want to talk about.
Namely that women don’t support each other in business. And before you raise in outrage and start protesting, I am talking based only on my experience and on the majority of cases I have observed throughout my career.
I started to wonder what is the reason for this impression I have. After a moment of thought, I think I have an idea. I think the issue is few-fold and each of women will have a slightly different combination of reasons. But let me elaborate and see if this makes any sense to you. I will list the causes in no particular order as I am sure different things have a different level of importance to various people.
FEAR
This one is easy to explain, I think. We can be scared of losing the position we were working so hard to achieve. For years we were working on getting to a place of security and recognition within our role. Then all of a sudden, our boss/organisation introduces this new woman who brings loads of experience, new, innovative ideas and is full of energy that we have already spent on getting here. She is obviously a flavour of the month, and everyone is, all of a sudden, interested in this newcomer. Our instincts are tingling – enemy, competition, danger and so on. The best form of defence… attack.
So here it starts – little meeting by the coffee machine, topics as follows:
- she is not all that
- she doesn’t know this business
- she lacks experience
- who does she think she is
- what does he see in her… and alike
In one quick motion, we have animosity, camps and gossip. Often we don’t even bother to speak to the “other” women. We know for well what she is all about, no need for talking to her, waste of time.
And by the way, this one goes both ways. It is highly possible that she feels the same and starts to build her own circle of influence in much the same way. She also may feel threatened by somebody who is already established in the company, somebody people know and already respect – someone who doesn’t need to prove anything anymore.
Sounds familiar? OK, let’s move on.
JEALOUSY
Jealousy goes hand in hand with fear. The symptoms are easy to recognise: she is younger, prettier, slimmer than me. She has better education, experience or network. She comes from a better background or a different country. She dresses better, has better hair, she has longer legs… I could go on. Funnily enough, we are more often jealous about the personal and visual things than about the business acumen and experience. Say what you wish, but I think when it comes to “danger”, we are rather primaeval.
And again this feeling can go both ways. The woman “on the inside” just as the “newcomer” may experience jealousy. It doesn’t need to be rational or based on any particular facts, it is enough that it is there, and the feeling rules our engagement from the word go.
You may say we are better than that, we know how to manage our emotions and we know our value. Yes, I am sure we do, but when a 1.75 m tall blond with a well developed “breathing apparatus” comes into the meeting room, all of that confidence goes out of the same door she walked in.
I had a female boss many years ago who took an instant dislike to me. No matter how hard I tried and what I would say and do, it was never good enough, right or up to her standard. She was a frumpy, bigger lady that never heard of makeup and fashion… or at least it seemed so. I was the slim, heeled thirty-something that all guys in the office took notice of. With the perspective of time, I can definitely say she was threatened by me, on the professional and personal level. So she bullied me, managed me out of the company and broke my confidence in the process. It took me a long time to get myself together and start believing in my abilities and value. Admittedly it also showed me how not to behave and made me stronger and better professional. But that was not obvious from the word go.
SELF PRESERVATION
We all have this instinct. We need to preserve our position, our income, self-esteem or whatever else we hold dear. And when someone else enters the picture and threatens that, or at least it seems so, we are going into the protective more.
AMBITION
We all have it – on different levels and related to various subjects, perhaps, but nonetheless, we all do. So if anyone gets in the way of getting what we want or where we want to be, we treat them as the enemy. It may not be actually the case, but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck … it must be a duck. So we will fight anyone who seems to stand in the way of our ambitions. Normal, right?
I behaved like a bitch
I can give an example of my own experience, something that I am not proud of. A while back, I was a member of an advisory board, where I established myself as a vital member whose opinions were always considered and heard. Partially because they were worth listening to and partly because I made sure to have an opinion on each subject. I wanted to be this loud influential voice that was always considered, and no decision was made without my “5 cents” in the mix.
It took a few years to get there, but I had it (rising star – can you see?). Ohh I forgot to mention I was the only female on the board that had the advisory voice. There were a few other ladies who took part, but they were more of admin support than members. I felt very secure, and self-assured, until…
I got a message that another woman will be joining the board. She was supposed to have years of experience, worked a long time within the industry and was widely respected. Panic! Now what?
I will have to fight for my place again, I will need to show her who is the number one. I can’t just give up my position … and so on. I was getting ready. I dressed to kill.. not literally, but I definitely made more of an effort than usual. I made sure I arrived early to start my networking and ensure my standing in this meeting, first impressions count! I was ready for battle.
Then she arrived. Oh my, was I embarrassed! The woman was lovely, warm and open. She congratulated me on holding the fort for other females in the industry and asked for help in getting familiar with the workings of the advisory group. She opened up, told me about herself, her career, family and experience. And indeed she had buckets of experience. She completely disarmed me and made me feel stupid about the way I reacted. We are friends till today, I have never admitted to her how threatened I felt, I think I am still too embarrassed to admit.
Like a woman to woman
In my experience, it doesn’t matter what level or type of women in business you are… you will come across other females who will make your life difficult. You may be the one who makes others life difficult or maybe, on various occasions, you were on either side of the issue. As you can see, from my examples, I have been both… the victim and the bitch. Nobody is perfect, and I, for one, will not preach to anyone how to behave.
It is sad, however, that this is what we are to each other. Having plenty of competition in the man’s world we do not need to make it harder for each other. We could be supportive and work well together. We could help each other to elevate one another and celebrate each other’s successes. Right?
Doubt it. After all, we are human, and all the emotions I described above are human. We are competitive, ambitious, power-hungry, and we all want more. There are only a few exceptions to this, and frankly, I really admire them.
Do men have blogs and books written about sticking together, supporting each other… the brotherhood? I haven’t come across many, have you? So why is it “expected” of us, women? Because we are the “weaker”sex? Or please, give me a break!
We, as women but also, in general, should be kinder and better as business people. We should be helping the new generations to rise and develop. We should provide them with guidance and benefit from our experience. We should be self-assured and confident. We also should allow ourselves to feel fear, jealousy and all other feelings that are so human.
But… at the same time, we should be able to manage it and control it, so it doesn’t turn us into the bitches we are often perceived as.